Hurt tempts us to comply with a variety of emotions that are actually unreasonable and extremely damaging. We don’t aim to become bitter people in our relationships, but life happens. Scripture warns in Ephesians 4:26, “In your anger, do not sin.”
Bitterness is characterized by intense cynicism, antagonism or hostility. “Most of our bitterness and anger towards others is rooted in an inability to be profoundly amazed at Christ’s love for us in our sin.” (John Piper) It interferes with forgiveness too and makes it hard to accept certain realities.
Resentment is the byproduct of bitterness and unchecked anger within relationships, most often marriage. Colossians 3:8 warns, “But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips.” Resentment can transform from a behavioural reaction to a personality trait. However, when Christ stitches our wounds together, the bleeding stops and peace is restored.

Here are 4 Signs of Resentment in Relationships:

1. Anger:
Anger becomes dangerous when we find our identity in the people,
purposes and possessions we are so passionate about. The inability to let go of anger makes us grumbly and impatient with other people.
2. Un-forgiveness:
Forgiveness should be a given for Christians because we have been forgiven. It’s a continual process, and does not always restore the trust required for reconciliation. “Have I really forgiven someone if I keep remembering their wrong?” Remembering it, and feeling angry again, is normal. What we do with it is everything.
3. Ungratefulness:
The Bible advises us to take captive every thought (2 Corinthians 10:5). When we are in the presence of those that hurt us, we want them to feel bad! Ungratefulness causes us to line up our lives in contrast to the injustice we feel, a pitfall to pride.
4. Lack of Empathy:
We cannot let comparison steal our ability to see the everyday struggles behind the smiles. When we have been wronged, we may not look for opportunities to return wrongs, but we often stop looking for opportunities to bless.

Erick Bouwmeester
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