A betrayal is a loss which is often a deep one and can involve a period of grieving. The five stages include shock or denial, anger, depression, bargaining, and acceptance. You have likely felt one or more of these emotions after a betrayal. Feeling sad, disappointed or even angry after a betrayal is normal.

Just like the grief of losing a loved one, we have to guard against prolonged grieving because grief and sorrow are dangerous. That’s why Jesus bore our griefs and carried our sorrows on the cross (see Isaiah 53:4). The words griefs and sorrows in Isaiah can also be translated as sickness, weakness and pain. But any way you translate them, they’re all pieces of the same destructive puzzle.

The good news is that we don’t have to put up with them any more than we have to put up with sin, sickness or disease. So if we’ll follow the instructions in James 4:7 and resist them, they’ll have to flee from us.

As we work through your feelings, we need to acknowledge that we’re hurt. However we need to get rid of all bitterness, which is a poison to the mind and body, and a robber of victories. When we give ourself the “luxury” of rehearsing what was said or done over and over again we become hurt and angry again and again. This is just setting ourself up for failure.

Instead we need to obey God and get rid of all bitterness by forgiving our betrayer. When we do, we become free. Bitterness is the root of most diseases and mental health issues. It is a thief. But love is a great protector in our lives.

It is important to remember that staying mad will never bring justice. God is our avenger and He is a God of justice. We may not see it when or how we like, but recompense will come.

Erick Bouwmeester